We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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