Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
