Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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