I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
