I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
