dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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