As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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