I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
