Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
