She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize