I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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