I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
