belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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