I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I lost the right to judge tonight
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
