HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
