why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Congratulations! We have a period
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize