Soap is not a condiment
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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