apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
