I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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