I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
