My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didn't notice because vodka
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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