Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
