On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just high enough for therapy.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
