Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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