There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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