you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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