If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you inspire me to be a worse person
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
