its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
