the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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