fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
