I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
