SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
