somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
