I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
