Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize