In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
