oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
