so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
