I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
