My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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