idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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