I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
