I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
