I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
