I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
