I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
