I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are the jesus of drinking
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
