it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
