you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
