who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
