All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
