I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
