Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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