dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
