just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
