I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
