I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
