My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
