ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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