you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
