Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
