Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
