I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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