I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
As shirtless as possible
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
