I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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