I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
