You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
