you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
