Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
