I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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