I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
