They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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