Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
