dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
