Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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