It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
