That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
