That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize