it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How's work?
Spinning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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