i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
