Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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