Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize