I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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