1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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