I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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