He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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