He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
