Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
