Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My cat gives me a boner
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
