I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize