3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
