just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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