I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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