I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
