So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
